Jessica Alba ate my stuff

This is my second Jessica dream... maybe I should rename the blog I Dream of Jessica?

So in this one, Jessica was dating my friend Nathan and naturally I had a crush on her. I also had some papers which I think were printouts of this blog describing my dreams of her but Nathan didn't know about those. So she, Nathan, my friend Dan, and I were all at a movie theater together. Jessica was hungry and I just happened to have a plate with something on it... macaroni?... and she started to eat it with no hands. Just stuck her face in the plate and started gobbling down whatever was there. Funny thing is I felt this gobbling in my pants too! Not making this up, it's a dream. And it was spectacular. Nathan didn't know about this incident and I definitely wasn't gonna tell him. There was some concern over him finding my blog transcripts, but I'm not sure if that ever happened.

After that, the dream (unfortunately) changed into something different and kind of disgusting. I encountered Patrick Kriwanek, the film department head from Academy of Art College where I went to school, and I saw him making out with his gay lover underwater after they stole a stereo of some kind. Patrick isn't really gay, or at least I don't think he is, but as a student I wasn't exactly a fan of his. I truly hope I never dream of him again. More Jessica, less Patrick.

Please let go of my teeth

Man... I was really pissed at my friend Ben Hauser! I don't know where we were, but I was drunk... Ben might have been, too... and he reached into my mouth and grabbed a hold of three of my teeth with his fingers and started leading me around the room. I kept telling him to let go but he wouldn't and, shortly after he finally did let go, my three teeth fell out.

Apparently I was supposed to be getting married a week later but my wife-to-be (an unknown white girl) didn't seem too concerned. At some point I sent Ben some really nasty text messages and proceeded to tell everyone how evil he was, and later on I picked up my teeth and stuck them back into the gums they were pulled from.

Ben, if you try to touch my teeth the next time I see you there's gonna be trouble!!

Definitely a DREAM

This one is pretty fuzzy since it happened almost 24 hours ago but... I was with my friend Lee and I needed to stop at some fish place to pick up some sushi. Lee stayed in the car while I ran in to get the fish, and I ordered tuna and yellowtail sashimi. They chopped up what I asked for, and somehow I wound up with a bunch of salami and sashimi-cut ham, too.

Lee apparently got sick of waiting in the car so he came in to see what the holdup was. By that time, the fish and lunch meat was all ready to go, so we got back in the car and started driving. At some point, Lee managed to get out of the car (even though I hadn't stopped) and he was talking with someone on the other side of the road. I pulled over, and then... *poof*... Jessica Alba made an appearance. In fact, the Goddess appearance was so out of context that it might have been an entirely different dream! Doesn't matter. Any dream that involves a female like her can't be a bad one.

Ouch that was painful

My friend Cory was under house arrest - not sure what he did, but I was visiting him. While I was at his place, I accidentally cut my BALLSACK on the corner of one his dresser drawers! Eeew. At first glance it didn't look too bad, but then I realized that I had completely split myself open I could actually see inside Mr. Scrotum. I tried to patch it up with gauze and some tape, but to no avail. Not sure what happened after that, but I woke up with two nuts and no injuries so I'm feeling pretty good right now.

Hi, I'd like $30,000 please

My friend Keith Longwell and I needed to raise money for a 5K race being hosted by our high school (even though we both graduated from different high schools almost 20 years ago). We went to a shopping mall where we ran into Mary Rechenmacher, someone I knew growing up. She was working for Citibank and said she'd help me get the money.

We went to Citibank where she worked and she gave me a credit application which I dashed off as fast as possible. I didn't know what amount we needed for the race, so I just put $30,000. As I was doing this, I confessed to her that I didn't think it would take this much work to get a loan, and she asked me if I'd researched this funding at all. Duh! Of course not. Then Mary asked me something like, "Didn't you at least get an Abbey Report?" I was like, wtf is an abbey report? Apparently, in my distorted and mostly-fictitious world of sleep, and Abbey Report is a type of revenue report.

I left the bank resigned to the fact that I wasn't going to get any money.