'Twas the night before christmas, and Jinho wouldn't leave

I think this took place in the house where I grew up.

It was the night before Christmas and I hadn't done any shopping at all. I was trying to figure out where I was going to go for presents, and for some reason one of my former students (from when I taught English in Korea) was staying with my family. I found myself rummaging around in a closet to find a remote-controlled Tonka dump truck. Maybe I was going to give it to Jinho? I dunno, but Jinho was apparently supposed to go back to Korea but he wasn't budging.

The rest is too hazy to write about in any detail. It was a pretty lame dream anyway!

Skiing and driving, but not really

I was skiing with my friends Lee and Grace, maybe at Alpine Valley in Wisconsin. Odd thing is, I didn't have skis on... I was trying to walk up the ski hill in my boots (there wasn't a chair lift) and it was so slippery that I fell and slid back down the hill to where I had started. Eventually I made it up the hill by way of a rope lift.

Inside the lodge I changed the channel on the big projection screen from some black & white movie to Chronicles of Narnia, and then Lee told me that we had to get going soon. Next thing I knew we were in a car and going downhill, but we were rolling instead of driving and I took a wrong turn that put us at a dead end. We turned around (except at this point we didn't seem to be in a car anymore) and got back on the main road... and somewhere during all of this, the Dolly Parton song "Here You Come Again" was apparently playing because it's now stuck in my head. Hmm.

There's a little more, but this dream is so boring that I think I'll just stop here.

Oh man Dad's gonna be pissed

I was in Korea with my Dad, sister (Kelly), and brother (Pat). For some reason, I had to get my dad's watch to Kelly. Dad was looking for the watch, a gold bracelet-type that was all metal, and I hid it in a pair of pants that was on a nearby chair. He was asking me where it was and I told him I didn't know, and when he went to the bathroom I ran to Kelly's room with it and gave it to her.

A disgusting toilet dream, but at least Kelly was there

I think I was at a party or something, and I was waiting to use one of the stalls in a bathroom. Somebody came out of one and, when I went in, the toilet was all plugged up with shit! Ugh. So the guy in the next stall (the stall dividers were short) reached over and stuck his bare hand into the shit-filled toilet and unplugged it! No idea why - maybe he could relate to desperately needing to take a huge dump in an inhospitable environment.

And somewhere in this big disgusting mess, the ditzy Indian girl ("Kelly") from The Office was determined to be my new girlfriend. Huh? Kelly's real name is Mindy Kaling. I have no clue where this came from - even though I'd get with her, she's definitely not someone I drool over - but nonetheless I'm sure Mindy would be proud to know that she was part of my diarrhea dream.

Jeremy Martin wears diapers

Apparently I was back in Korea where I lived from 2002-2005, because I was playing football with the same group of friends that still plays there today. On my team were Benny Blaze, Jeremy, some girl, and a few others. We couldn't score, Blaze couldn't complete a pass, and we were down 16-0.

On the sideline, I noticed that Jeremy was wearing diapers. I had secretly been designing a football uniform with diapers built into the pants so that players wouldn't have to leave the game to take a wiz, so this was intriguing. Jeremy explained that his diapers were made for fat babies, so he was trying them out. Then I started asking the dumb questions.

"Are you really gonna run around after taking a massive dump in those things?"

"Did you and Hope do anything dirty when you first put the diapers on?"

Hope is Jeremy's girlfriend. When I asked that question, Jeremy didn't say anything so I responded with something like "ummmmm ok dude we don't need to know".

Hey, I know that dog

My old dog Rosie came back from the dead! When I was growing up our family had two dalmations and Rosie was the second. Without three kids around to walk her, my mom eventually gave Rosie to someone she knew and I think poor Rosie croaked within a year or two after that. Anyway...

I was sitting outside (maybe I was in Naperville?) and some lady came walking in my direction with a really old dalmation. She was super old and kind of fat (I mean the dog), and the lady she was with said "you know me, right?" I was like uhhhhh no, sorry. Turns out she and her husband were both wearing handwritten nametags which I didn't see.

It took a minute, but Rosie eventually recognized me and tried to shake hands. Then I whipped out my wallet and started showing this lady old pictures of Rosie, including the one above. The other pictures I showed her don't really exist, but they were pretty gay... the kind of thing a mother would force her kids to do, like dressing up in black and white to match the dog and then get in some goofy pose. Eeeew.

Supermarket vampires!

Some girl who went to Naperville Central... not sure who she was, I just remember her picture from a yearbook... was hot & evil. She wanted my blood because I was the Head Vampire, but I didn't know it. Maybe my blood was going to make HER the Head Vampire? I dunno. The whole thing is pretty hazy but I was running around this grocery store and somebody (possibly me?) was stabbing people in the heart they may or may not have been vampires, too! Fun stuff.

Hot Evil Vampire Girl had already gotten very dirty with me as way of trying to get my blood. You know what really sucks? The dirty part wasn't in the dream! What a ripoff. Eventually it turned out that I really wasn't the Head Vampire after all and Hot Evil was pissed because she'd already porked me. Ha! Idiot. Score one for me.